Creepy Craigslist Killer

My friend just sent me this Craigslist Posting:

"Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend.

I just want one for the holidays.

Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.

Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting f* cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for permanent solo status.

But, you've spent all year working on your career / training for charity bike rides / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway.

The solution:

Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.

How it works:

You reply with a picture and a brief bio (250 words max. To give you an idea, this posting is 499). If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, or whatever). If that's a success and we're both feeling it, we'll date until 11:59PM, January 2nd, 2012. After that we can still be friends (unless we hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call).

The benefits:

• You have someone to keep you company on these witch-tit-cold San Francisco nights. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler? (I have references.)

• I like to cook. Especially for others. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and satisfying. As long as you're an omnivore, you win.

• Having done it professionally for some years to pay for school, I know my way around a bar. Same goes for wine cellars and beer coolers. Homemade winter warmers? Done.

• Hate holiday music? Me too. Seeing as every other establishment or event you step into will be playing it, I'll spare you the excess.

• Love taking photos? Sweet. Let's wear gaudy holiday attire and make ridiculous Xmas postcards to send your friends and family. Just for the lulz.

• Worried about finding someone to kiss on New Year's Eve who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin? Boom! Got you covered.

About Me:

28 years old, small business owner, active (cyclist, surfer, snowboarder), outgoing, easy on the eyes.

Not About You (aka Dealbreakers or, Don't Bother if You Exhibit the Following):

Heavy drug use, laziness, prudishness, still in love with old boy or girlfriend from years past (or if you secretly are, at least have the damn decency to not blab on about it).

Interested? Then send your pic and bio and get this ball rolling."

Are you kidding? YES, I would love to send in my resume, biography and picture to you, Mr. Creepy Craigslist Killer, so that you can use me for the holidays! 

Gross.

Dear Potential Bait for Mr. Creepy Craigslist Killer, Please. For the sake of women kind. Do not answer him. 

And Creepy Craigslist Killer, although I found this slightly entertaining and understand it is most likely (or hopefully) a joke amongst you and your fraternity brothers, it does not shed you in the best of light.

2011 California Bar Examination Results Are Revealed Today!

Today marks the day that people who took the California State Bar this past summer find out if they passed or not!

That means, in exactly 2 years, on this day, I will be at a bar, with all of my friends, family & random strangers, drinking until I find out whether or not I passed THE bar! I cannot wait!

Good luck to everyone that is waiting for their results! I will be thinking about you all day and sending good thoughts your way!

My Dad's Alter Ego Rebecca

One weekend, not so long ago, my roommates and I went out to dinner. After Roommate No. 2 and I polished off a couple bottles glasses of wine, Roommate No. 1 (Freddy) did his duties and drove us home safely.

When we arrived home, Roommate No. 1 retreated to his man cave and Roommate No. 2 and I continued the party.

As she was being her usually funny self, Roommate No. 2 proclaimed that she has an alter ego named "Tiffany"! We both laughed and I expressed to "Tiffany" how much fun she was and how I wished "Tiffany" could come out all the time.

As "Tiffany" continued to be the life of the party, Roommate No. 1 runs into the room where "Tiffany" and I were sitting and, with much excitement, proclaimed his intention of creating an alter ego as well.

As "Tiffany" and I listen intently, Roommate No. 2 revealed his alter ego's name:  

"Rebecca"

Trying not to crush my father's dreams of having an alter ego named "Rebecca", I immediately advised him that his alter ego could in fact be a boy.

Giving Tiffany and I a puzzled look as we laughed uncontrollably, Roommate No. 1 returned back to his man cave, where women, regardless of their names, are not allowed.

Since I have started law school...

I believe talking to myself is normal behavior. 

I laugh at jokes dealing with "Black Acre". 

I understand the Commerce Clause to be magical. 

I think politics is comparable to a bad relationship; Making a lot of promises you cannot actually, legally keep.

 

I have become a master at time management. 

 

The excuse, "I'm sorry; I was really busy" 100% doesn't fly with me.

 

Although I am busier than ever, I always believe I can take on more tasks.

 

I value my time spent at home.

 

I sometimes speak how I write, which is awkward when you are not in a professional setting. 

My whole family might be able to take the bar with me in 2013 because of how much I discuss law school with them.

I learned very early on that Law School has nothing to do with the law.

 

I get awkwardly excited when other students share learning secrets with me. 

I have mastered the art of graphing, turning a hypothetical into a full drawing, connecting dots that I didn't know existed and arguing points I have no interest in.

I have yet to, however, master a law school exam. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok... I'm going to save it with a solo.

I can't see the screen I am laughing so hard right now. Kills me every time.

Why. Why. Why.

Sister, you look really pretty.

Happy Birthday!!!

Today is Ms. Nicole Marie Who's Birthday! She is officially 21 years old!!! I kid. I kid. She is almost hitting the big 3-0.

"Exhibit A"

(Birthday Girl and Me!)

The family, minus my angry older sister and her girlfriend, Jon, got together Saturday night and celebrated both, Ms. Nicole Marie Who's birthday and her monkey brother's birthday! Their birthday's are a day apart.

"Exhibit B"

(Monkey Cousin's Patient Girlfriend & Monkey Cousin)

My aunt and uncle hosted Nicole and Bryan's Saturday night birthday dinner at their house and surprised us with a guest!

"Exhibit C"

(My Roommate & Dinner Guest!)

My roommate was especially happy to meet Mr. Bieber. Although my roommate took up much of his time, Mr. Bieber was gracious enough to mingle with the other guests:

"Exhibit D"

"Exhibit E"

Mr. Bieber even went shopping with us to help me pick out some new shades!

"Exhibit F"

After Mr. Bieber left, we ate cake, drank wine and made fun of each other. Overall, it was a great night!

"Exhibit G"

Happy Birthday to both of my cousins! I love you very much! Now go and show Ms. Nicole Marie Who some love HERE!

Bear Sleeping Bag

 I don't know where to find this, but this is 100% going on my Secret Santa List.

Thank A Veteran & Their Families Today!

Thank you veterans, active service members and all of your families for everything you sacrifice for my freedom. I honor you.

Do Not Buy This Product For Your Children

Ear Muffs Dylan!

Yesterday while browsing the net, I came across a picture of the cutest Hamster which melted my little heart.

"Exhibit A"

(Cutest Hamster)

Every time I look at the picture ("Exhibit A") I giggle because of how cute that thing is. 

However, I have a confession to make. 

I too once had a cute little hamster. Actually I had two. Their names were Babs and I actually forgot the second ones name. I will, therefore, refer to him as No. 2.

What I am about to tell you has been eating me up since I first came across this picture, i.e. yesterday. I apologize for what you are about to read; however, I deem this knowledge important for all of the parents, soon-to-be parents and potential parents out there who may be toying with the idea of getting your children a tiny little hamster for Christmas.

Like every other child on earth, I begged my parents for something that was not human and was alive. I begged them for a pet. The thought of my parents giving me the responsibility of another creature's life is chilling. (Note- But Thank You Parents For Having Faith!)

However, after much consideration, my parents agreed to buy me two hamsters named Babs and No. 2. Along with the Hamsters, I received this contraption:

"Exhibit B"

(Death Trap)

The purpose for this ball is to give your pet a false sense of freedom and allow them to roam free throughout the house. 

"Exhibit C"

(How Death Trap Works)

 

Well, for a 6 year old child who plays soccer and doesn't understand the concept of empathy, the purpose of this ball is not to allow our 4 legged friend to roam the house freely, it is to occasionally kick it like a soccer ball.

I apologize Babs and No. 2. Although you were never actually hurt and it did seem like you enjoyed the rush of my sister and I throwing the plastic ball around, I do understand that our actions were probably not in your best interest. 

I am, therefore, advising all of the parents to be aware of what this ball is really used for if you decide to get your little rugrats a furry friend for the holidays.  

Or... you can just teach your kids not to harm small animals. Awkward. 

The Count Down Continues

In approximately 537 days I will be a Law School Graduate! 

 

Mood: Excitement! 

 

I have 172 days until I finish my third year. 

 

Mood: Determined!  

 

Only 24 days until third year mid-terms/finals...ahhh 

 

Mood: Sick feeling in my tummy. 

 

Just 14 days until my favorite Holiday-Thanksgiving! 

 

Mood: Hungry!

In 6 hours I have to have 100 pages worth of briefs completed for Evidence. 

Mood: Hmmmm... The amount is too large to have feelings regarding it.

So what have I learned by procrastinating the inevitable and creating these timelines of "stress" for myself? 

I have learned that Oprah has a good year and a half to RSVP to my invitation for her to attend my Law School Graduation in 2013, Turkey Dinner is so close I can taste it, I spend more time at the library than my own house and Evidence is brutal, but I still love it.  

Happy November Everyone!

Saturday, November 19, 2011, is National Adoption Day!

Saturday, November 19, 2011, is National Adoption Day! 

National Adoption Day is an annual event in which courts and communities in all fifty states come together to finalize thousands of adoptions of children and to celebrate all families that adopt. 

The goals of National Adoption Day are to enhance public awareness of the need for adoptive parents, to educate would-be parents about the adoptive process, and to celebrate the local families who have opened their lives to children in need of permanent homes.

The U. S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates that there are over 408,000 foster care children in the United States, with over 107,000 of them waiting for adoption. 

Since 1987, the number of children in foster care has nearly doubled, and the average time a child remains in foster care has lengthened to over three years. Each year, approximately 28,000 children in foster care will age out of the system without ever being placed with a permanent family.  

Since 2000, more than 35,000 adoptions have been finalized nationwide on National Adoption Day.

I just read HERE that The Superior Court of California, County of Santa Clara, in partnership with the Santa Clara County Department of Social Services, will be taking part in National Adoption Day!

"Although the official observance of National Adoption Day is Saturday, November 19, 2011, the Court has arranged to have its Adoption Day celebration during morning business hours on Friday, November 18, 2011 at the Downtown Courthouse, which is located at 191 N. 1st St., San Jose."

"Judges and staff have volunteered to forego their regular duties that morning in order to turn the Downtown Courthouse into "Adoption Central", as the Court hopes to finalize the placement of as many as 30 children into adoptive homes."

"The Adoption Day celebration will officially start with an Opening Ceremony at 8:30 A. M. in the Jury Assembly Room on the first floor of the Downtown Courthouse, and will feature remarks by Superior Court Judge Katherine Lucero (Supervising Judge of the Dependency Court), as well as speakers from the Santa Clara County Department of Family and Children's Services (DFCS)."

"The Court has arranged for refreshments for the participants and activities to keep the children entertained while awaiting their adoption hearings."

"Special procedures have been set up to expedite the processing of paperwork and the movement of adoptive families to and from the courtrooms in order to finalize as many adoptions as possible by the event's conclusion at 11:00 A. M."

This makes me happy.

What Does My Dream Mean!?

I woke up this morning feeling happy, warm and excited about my day. As reality quickly set in, I remembered the deadlines, stress and amount of work I have for the day.  

This made me question why I woke up with the warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach and where it came from.

Almost immediately dismissing the thought, I continued my morning. And then it hit me.  I realized where the feeling had come from.

You know when you have a dream the night before but when you wake up you cannot remember what the dream was and then you remember the dream at the most random time in the day? 

Well... that happened to me as I let my little prince out for his morning bathroom break.

I had a dream that I received my Life Class Journal in the mail from Oprah. It was brown, leather bound and my name was inscribed on the front in old writing. 

I remember in my dream thinking, "Oh Oprah.... How impatient I was! This whole time you were personally having my name inscribed on my Journal!"

As I remembered my dream and Dylan ran back in the house, I let out a slight giggle and continued my day. I wonder what the dream means?? I am fasinated with dream reading. I know nothing about it. 

Sometimes I have dreams that I can't speak because me teeth are falling out. I always wake up afraid. That was probably weird that I just told you about that.

Have a great day!

Blog Lesson No. 241: Well that was short lived.

Dear family, 

You may be wondering why I posted THIS yesterday Re: Black Friday=My Hell, which was a huge diversion from my normal topics, i.e. my daily conversations with my sister, Dylan's disobedience issues, my Father's struggles as a U.S. citizen and my efforts in law school.

Well to kill your curiosity, please be advised of the following:

A couple of weeks ago I was contacted by a social media strategist for Stanford Shopping Center and presented with the opportunity to be a "Mall Correspondent", which would entail writing about my experiences at Stanford Shopping Center in exchange for gift cards, exposure, etc. 

I accepted this position in an effort to (1) further my dreams of meeting Oprah (logic-the more exposure, the more the likelihood Oprah will realize I exist) and (2) start the process of making this blog a money making machine which will ultimately pay off law school. 

I am sad to inform you my fame was short lived. After only writing one blog post about Stanford Shopping Center, I received an email from the coordinator which stated, 

"Thank you for the writeup. However, I have spoken with the mall and they don’t feel that your blog is a good fit for them at this time, and they’ve chosen to discontinue the mall correspondent program."

Well... That was awkward.  Sadly... I can't stop laughing. I am assuming they didn't like the title, "Black Friday = My Hell" as a promotion tactic. 

I guess this means back to the drawing board. 

However, I refuse to place this in the "losses" column. My dreams are still big and I still hold a place setting right next to my roommates, sister and brother in law at my Law School Graduation in May 2013 for Oprah and Stedman. 

And my journey continues.

Black Friday = My Hell

I genuinely dislike shopping. Everything from the drive to the shopping mall to the efforts of having to take my clothes off and put them back on 500 times only to find one outfit makes me lose it.

However, I was forced by one of my friends to go to Stanford Shopping Center last Sunday and it wasn't a horrible experience. I have lived in the Bay Area my whole life and have never been there. Although it was a slight drive for me, it was actually worth it. 

I like the fact that I do not have to push my way through a stinky dark mall with a million mall goers pushing and shoving me. The mall is outdoors! It reminds me of Carmel. I love it.

Anywho... the mall was promoting "Black Friday" everywhere. Two thoughts went through my head: (1) I cannot believe it is already Thanksgiving, which means Christmas is near, which means finals and midterms are even closer, which means panic attack. (2) I have never participated in the activities of "Black Friday" and the thought of it actually makes me nervous.

However, the event sounded fun.

On Friday, November 25th, Stanford Shopping Center will be handing out swag bags, full of free stuff, to the first 500 shoppers to stop by Center Pavilion. They apparently will also be raffling off one prize per hour from 9:00 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. 

Plus, there will be free coffee for all shoppers. 

The only reason I may consider going to this "Black Friday" event would be because of the free stuff, coffee and the possibility of winning a prize. Thank you Stanford Shopping Center.

P.S. I heard if you are one of the first 50 people to walk past Sprinkles Cupcakes and creepily whisper "Sprinkles" you, you will get a free cupcake!  Happy Tuesday!

These posts do not necessarily represent Simon Property Group's positions, strategies or opinions.

Your Weekly Freddy Update

Oh Freddy. How you make my heart full. 

Freddy had some good one-liners for Sunday and of course I would love to share them with you!

Event No. 1:  

Freddy: "I am going to Trader Joe's to get some Mochi-Balls. (His new favorite dessert) Anyone need anything?" 

Me: "Yes can you grab me some half and half milk for tomorrow morning please?" 

Freddy: "No!" As he runs out of the house. He returned with no half and half. 

Event No. 2: (Freddy gets home from Trader Joe's and starts opening the Mochi Balls) 

Roommate No. 2: "Freddy, I am making a big dinner. Don't eat too much." 

Freddy: "Ok. I will only have one box." 

Event No. 3: 

Freddy: "Someone should really feed the dogs." As he walks past the dog bowl eating a mochi-ball. 

Event No. 4: 

Roommate No. 2: "Freddy, would you like to help me make the bed?" 

Freddy: "No. Not tonight! Thank you for asking!" (As he retreats into his den eating more Mochi-Balls)

Event No. 5: (Freddy walks into the kitchen with two empty Mochi Ball containers)

I give Freddy a look.

Freddy: "Don't judge me."

The Girl's Guide to Law School

Dear All Potential Law Students and First Year Law Students:

I just came across a super helpful blog that I wish I had found 2.5 years ago when I started law school! The Blog is called The Girl's Guide to Law School.

The "Girl’s Guide to Law School exists for one reason: to help you get what you want from your law school experience. This isn’t about some abstract version of “success.” It’s about figuring out what you want to achieve, and helping you get there".

 Enjoy! I hope this helps!

Silence of the Lambs: Dylan v. Precious

Although you may believe that it is a mere coincidence my little prince looks very similar to Precious from Silence of the Lambs, I am here to assure you it is not.

"Exhibit A"

(Precious)

"Exhibit B"

(Dylan)

It cannot surprise you that along with Dirty Dancing, Blood in Blood Out, Labyrinth and Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken, Silence of the Lambs is another one of my gems. 

Who doesn't love Silence of the Lambs? There are so many great one-liners!

You must also believe it is a coincidence that Dylan's ex-fathers may have resembled this:

"Exhibit C"

Omgoodness... I kid! I kid! I'm not that weird.

Love Rainy Days

I have been going, going, going for the entire month of October. I feel like my head has been spinning. 

Since being in Law School, I have learned a tough lesson: If you want to play hard, you have to work even harder.

Today is the first day I have been able to take a breather. I slept in. Had a good six hour study session. Ate some food left over from the fancy date my roommates took me on last night. Now Dylan and I are cuddled up in front of a fire watching Locked Up: Raw; Dylan's favorite T.V. show.

I love lazy days like this a lot. However, it makes me nervous sitting this still and my attention deficit disorder is acting up. This means it is time for a bottle glass of wine to help me concentrate!

Happy Saturday Punks!

Mayberry Workshop-Support Our Local Businesses!

Mayberry Workshop

One of the undisclosed rules in Law School is to get involved. Very involved. So other than working, studying, socializing, you must get involved with your school.

Every year our school puts on a clothing sale for our students, faculty, alumni and community. This year we decided to do something a little different. We were refereed to Mayberry Worshop, who is a Full-Service Design Workshop, ranging from Graphic Design and Branding, to Apparel, and Building and Urban Design. 

Perfect.

Now can they design law school apparel?? Answer: YES!

We have been working together for the past six weeks and it couldn't have gone any better. Plus, the two brothers that own Mayberry are hot, which didn't hurt the whole process.

Mayberry designed our school T-Shirts and Sweatshirts and they are a complete hit.

"Exhibit A"
(Mayberry Workshop's T-Shirt Design for Lincoln Law School)

To learn more about Mayberry Workshop check out their sites!

Website

Facebook

When We Were Weeee Little Lads

Although I thoroughly enjoy sharing stories about my Roommates, my Angry Older Sister, my Sister's Latin Wife, my Little Prince, my Dear Friend Oprah and my daily struggles being a law student, I do not think it is fair to deprive my loyal blog followers of the rest of my family.

I would, therefore, like to give you a very small glimpse of our lives as children.

As a quick reminder of how our family became United States Citizens, I intend to give you a brief synopses of the events that made our lives happen. Here it is in a nutshell:

As you may recall, my Roommate is the oldest of three brothers born in Bogota, Colombia. My Roommate was chosen by his parents to be the first to make the journey to the United States and to return for the rest of the family when he declared it to be safe. 

"Exhibit A"

(My Dad's Scary Journey to the U.S.)

When my Father declared the U.S. safe and after my dear uncle decided to get a fresh start in life, my Father brought my Uncle to the U.S.

"Exhibit B"

(Best Friends/Brothers)

After the brothers assimilated into the U.S. culture, they decided to get married (not to each other), build a home, have 2.5 children and play soccer. 

This brings me to "us", the 4 children.

"Exhibit C"

(Ms. Nicole Marie, Angry Older Sister, ME! & Monkey Cousin)

To everyone's surprise, Ms. Nicole Marie began her journey as a clown:

"Exhibit D"

Ms. Nicole Marie was a rambunctious little child. Although her hair did not fully come in until she was 5, she still won the hearts of many with her love for her monkey brother.

"Exhibit E"

(Bald at Age 4.5)

Although confused where her little brother came from, Ms. Nicole Marie would never deny that her monkey brother was her friend.

"Exhibit F"

(Monkey Cousin)

You may be thinking that it is remarkable my Uncle was capable of having a monkey child; our family believes so also.

Unfortunately, around age 3, my monkey cousin began transforming into a human. He still, however, did not understand the concept of clothes.

"Exhibit G"

(Monkey Cousin Transforming)

Although to the blind eye my monkey cousin was starting to resemble a human, we all had to remain patient while he learned how to act as a human. 

Luckily, my Uncle took the time to help the monkey learn how to do simple human things, i.e. fishing.

"Exhibit H"

(My Uncle Teaching Monkey to Fish)

Like my uncle, Ms. Nicole Marie also stood strong next to my monkey cousin while he transitioned into a human.

"Exhibit I"

(Monkey Cousin Learning How to Take Pictures)

Occasionally, Older Angry Sister would allow monkey, Ms. Nicole Marie and I to play with her. Although, monkey had been going through his transition for some time, he still had some anxiety during play time and missed family events.

"Exhibit J"

(Left- Right)

(Angry Older Sister, Ms. Nicole Marie, ??, ME!, ??,- Notice: No Monkey)

Although my cousin monkey has slightly regressed in his progression from monkey to human, he is doing fantastic! To much of our surprise, he is graduating college with an emphasis in the study of primates!!! 

"Exhibit K"

(My Monkey Cousin 2011)