I Relapsed

I was doing soooo well. 

I am sad to inform you all that I had a relapse this past weekend.

I was 37 days clean.  In my "I Survived" cry for help, I declared that in order to be able to sleep at night without having scary nightmares about getting captured, kidnapped and brutally slayed, I swore to myself I would stop watching "I Survived".

As a recap,  for those of you that don't know of this addicting, crazy, scary, intense show, I suggest that you watch it with caution. If you like it, I promise, all of the weird, intense behavior that I sometimes exhibit will soon become your daily routine. Be careful.

The reality of the horror that happens in our society petrifies me. So... I do what every normal girl my age does when something petrifies you... continue to welcome it into your life. 

On my way home from New York last Sunday, the wonderful Jet Blue has individual T.V.'s for every passenger. 

I had the option to literally watch anything... News, Sports, Re-runs of F.r.i.e.n.d.s., past clips of Shark Week... But of course the suspense was killing me and I decided to watch "I Survived" while the young girl next to me looked on in horror. 

I didn't care. 

I watched 3 hours of it. Why do I do this to myself!?

The first story was a woman recapping getting brutally attacked at the hotel she worked at by a man who was staying there: Perfect. I will never stay, work or walk through a hotel ever again. Check.

The second story was about recapping a first date, where a young woman and her friend were shot execution style at a deserted reservoir. Perfect. I will never travel to a desert reservoir nor will I ever go on a date again. Check.

The next was about an 18-year-old who had both his arms torn off in an accident on the family farm. Perfect. I will never have, own or explore a family farm nor will I ever go to one again. Check.

The show continued with a mother and her two young children being abducted and taken into the Florida Everglades by a crazed attacker. Perfect. I will never live, travel or go to the Florida Everglades again. Check.

And finally, just as I started to change the station (a.k.a we landed), I finished the story of a young nurse being abducted and tortured by a serial killer who had already murdered four other women. Perfect. I will never speak to a serial killer. Check.

I understand there is a fine line of being aware of the evils in our society and being addicted to being aware.

However, I feel as though I am able to justify my behavior (Says the addict): 

Oprah once said, "When you know better, you do better." 

I am just trying to know better! I think I need an intervention. Oh that show is addicting too.