Dear Oprah

Today marks the 234,365,278 day that I have consecutively written you a letter. Although I understand you are busy with your new endeavors, I am getting a little concerned with your lack of response. 

I suppose my first 563,789 letters may have been lost in the mail; but the last 233,801,489 that I sent via FedEx First Class, Insured & Return Receipt Requested are making you look a little suspicious.

Any who, I am still waiting for a response to the letter I sent you dated May 10, 2006, in which I asked you your opinion of Dylan's new hair cut. 

To refresh your memory, I am enclosing two pictures of Dylan: 

 The first is a Before Picture, which will give you an idea of what a little risk taker my prince is!

The second is the end result! He is such a trend setter.

You also have not gotten back to me in regards to attending my Law School Graduation in May 2013 and giving a well-prepared speech. I have already filed a petition with my school for an extra ticket for you to sit next to my dad, step-mom, sister, brother-in-law and mom. If you hurry and get back to me, I might be able to put in a request for an additional ticket for Stedman if you were thinking about bringing him. 

I understand that you spoke at your god-daughter's college graduation a few years back. I do not think it would be fair if I wasn't given the same opportunity just because I am not your God-Child, related to you or your secret sister. 

I am, however, your No. 1 fan, so attending my graduation would seem to be fitting.

Please get back to me with your answer to all of the foregoing no later than October 1, 2011, which is the deadline to submit an Amended Petition to my school for an extra ticket to my May 2013 Law School Graduation.