Sister Sister

My patient brother-in-law constantly questions what my sister and I could possibly still have to talk about after talking to each other everyday, 7 days a week for the last 20-something years. 

Well my sweet brother-in-law, I have compiled a few examples of a typical discussion:

First off- My sister and I would never deny anyone from participating in our discussions. Our motto is, the more the merrier!

"Exhibit A"   

(April 14, 2011 Facebook Posting From Me to Sister)

Me: "I called you this morning you stupid idiot. However, it is understandable if you forgot about our morning talks, provided that we have had a morning conversation date at 8:30 a.m. every morning for the past 7 years."

Friend No. 1: "You two shouldn't be able to communicate."

Me: "My sister and I speak everyday at 8:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 5:15 p.m. California time. We talk about the following: hair, school, occasional silence, family, friends, fun events that are going on in NC, occasional silence, things that make us angry, new hot topics, such as American idol, dancing with the stars, occasional silence, we recap on all Oprah episodes and then evaluate all the guests lives and how they effect our lives, I brief her on all my political beliefs so that she can regurgitate it as if it were her own, occasional silence and Dylan."

Sister: "wow Stine, that was incredibly accurate. I love our morn, afternoon, and night convos. Sorry I missed you this morn...I was busy playing with my new bangs. and p.s. Friend No.1..if you would like to get in on this, we can throw Will Farrell in to the mix...that is a topic we sometimes add to the rotation so we can 3-way you on those days."

Friend No. 1: "Don't u dare threaten me with a conference call!"

Sister: "so you're in?"

Me: "You already have the game plan (see above). We will try not to throw a curve ball at you, like topics such as Britney Spears and how she is a troll and my sister's dislike for Renee Zelweger"

Sister: "and I'm not sure if you want to re-discuss Forgetting Sarah Marshall...but I am always ready with those quotes. More than likely we will only stay within the topics you are most comfortable with....monkeys, piano neck ties, and the aquarium."

Friend No. 1: "I'm gonna snort 12 xanax, drink a handle of smirnoff, and eat a box of coco puffs thanks to u two idiots. Hope ur happy"

Me: "Well, just make sure you are still awake at 8:30 a.m. We do not like waiting for our morning talk."

(Dad Intervenes): "OK Stiny, I am officially passing my funny crown to you. That is the funniest description of a conversation I have ever heard!"

Sister: "when do I get the funny crown? I have definitely been saying some funny stuff lately....remember in Colombia when I said, "I speak english and It's not the freaking altitude!!"....oh wait that was Stine. Anyway, I can't think of specifics but I have definitely been pretty funny lately."

Me: "Why thank you father. Now that you point it out, I do feel extra witty this week. Thank you for passing the crown. I shall make you proud. As for you sister, I am now king (like simba) you are like Scar. You shall never overthrow me."        

Is that more clear brother-in-law? 

To further illustrate our ongoing conversations, please see "Exhibit B".

"Exhibit B"

 (August 28, 2011 Facebook Posting From Me to Sister)

"Wow... We have some pretty important topics to discuss tomorrow morning: beyonce announcing her bun in the oven, the awkward moment between kanye and Katy Perry, lady Gaga and how nuts she is, dad mistakenly referring to little wayne ad little weenie and Dylan's gender identity issue. Be prepared." 

Oh Brother-in-Law- I know what you are thinking... 

"No way you two can constantly talk without the occasional fight". 

And you are right. Even us, the closest sisters in the world, can get into the occasional sister quarrel.   

"Exhibit C"

(August 20, 2011 Facebook Posting From Me to Sister)

Me: "Get on skype right now... we must have a sister meeting." 

Sister: " I'm on" 

Me: "So am I loser.. call me"

Sister: No Response.

Me: "I apologize for calling you a loser. You are not a loser. However, I would like for you to call me right now" 

Me: "I think I act out sometimes and call you things like "loser", "idiot", "moron", "big head" out of frustration or maybe out of habit. However, I am recognizing that it is inappropriate to call you those things because I love you. So for that, I apologize again." 

Sister: "Thank you"

The moral here is to recognize when you are wrong and be sure to make things right. 

I hope I was able to answer and correctly address some of your concerns as to what sister and I still have to talk about after talking to each other everyday, 7 days a week for the last 20-something years....

The real answer is: A LOT!