The Early Bird Gets the Worm

Dear Dad,

You have fed me repeated reminders my entire life that "the early bird gets the worm". I have a few questions to ask you regarding your theory:

A) Does the early bird really get the worm Dad? 

B) How early does the bird have to get up to get this worm?

C) How big is this worm that I am getting up for?

D) Does the early bird have to be a late bird also to get all the left over worms because all the other birds are lazy, lack ambition and forget about the worm?

E) What if all the worms disappear? Then what is the bird getting up so early for?

Maybe the bird can take a day off because the bird is exhausted from having to get up so early everyday. That stupid little worm can live for another day. Yes. I like that idea.