I Need to Tell You A Secret

Dear Brother-in-Law: 

As you are the newest addition to our family, I feel it is only right to take you under my wing and tell you that, having lived in this country longer than you, I too believe the English language can be very difficult.

Although I very much appreciate the humor in your struggles, I give you my word that I will help you learn the English language to the best of my abilities. 

First, in her defense, my sister did in fact give you the correct definition of what a "Gnome" is.

To ease your mind, Dictionary.com defines a "Gnome" as, "One of a species of diminutive beings, usually described as shriveled little old men, that inhabit the interior of the earth and act as guardians of its treasures; troll".

However, despite what my sister has told you, gnomes are only mythical creatures. They do not actually exist. 

During our routine 8:00 a.m. conversation, my sister informed me that she perhaps has not been the most "supportive" wife she could be. 

She advised me that after giving you the definition of a gnome, she failed to mention that these creatures are made up. 

She then proceeded to let me in on some of the not so nice things she has been doing to you since your discovery of gnomes. 

You must understand that what I am about to tell you is breaking all laws and rules regarding sister time secrets. However, for the sake of our family unit, I feel it is important for you to know the following: 

1. Every time you find a gnome in weird places throughout the house, i.e. front door step, shower, patio, stove, toilet, guest bedroom, office, fireplace, under the coach cushion, etc., it is my sister who is making this gnome so active; and

2. The gnome that  showed up at your door step the other night to ask for some milk... yup... that was my sneaky sister dressed in this:

3. The last thing that I must let you in on, which breaks my heart, might leave you at a loss for words. Please brace yourself.

For the last how ever many years, every morning that you have woken up to a clean kitchen, with spotless dishes that are nicely put away in the cabinets and have yelled with excitement and joy to my sister:

"Look Mel, the Dish Fairy Came! The Dish Fairy Came!"

It saddens me to inform you that it was not the "Dish Fairy" who visited your house over night.

That too has been my sister...

I am sorry to throw so much at you all at once, but I hope I have helped more than hurt. I love you!